Five Life Lessons Learned While Juggling Law, Motherhood, and Everything In Between
Maryann P. Gallagher
It’s inspiring to witness the growing number of women venturing into firm ownership and taking center stage in litigation. After a decade as an associate and a subsequent partnership, I established my own firm 20 years ago, following the birth of my third son.
At the age of 12, I envisioned a career as either a lawyer or a teacher, believing both professions would afford me the time to be a devoted mother. While my heart was set on being a full-time mom, life charted a different course. When the housing market collapsed and my husband’s job disappeared as a result, and with a third child in tow, I had to step up and become the PIC – the Person in Charge. Marriage, as I’ve learned, is a dynamic partnership where roles shift, and priorities evolve throughout life.
Here are five life lessons I’ve gathered on this journey, navigating the often-contrasting images of a lawyer and a mother.
1. Picture Happiness: It’s Your Choice
Happiness is a personal state of mind, an internal possession. It’s a mistake to outsource your happiness to others; why relinquish such power? The realization that you command your own happiness is empowering. Each morning, with the first blink of your eyes, you can consciously choose a positive start. Let your initial thought be uplifting – a simple observation like sunshine or birdsong can be profoundly meaningful. Rooted in my Irish Catholic upbringing, I begin my day with a quick, heartfelt “Hello” and “Thank You” to God. Throughout the day, even as you join a Zoom call, you have the power to choose happiness. Greet participants with a smile, regardless of their demeanor. If an opposing attorney is rude or obnoxious, consciously refuse to let them steal your joy. It’s yours, not theirs for the taking. After conquering a challenge, like responding to a mountain of interrogatories, reward yourself with a brief moment of joy. I often treat myself to ice cream at Grand Central Market. Indulge in a piece of chocolate. Never let anyone else dictate your daily dose of happiness.
My proudest moment as a mom was when my kindergarten-aged sons echoed, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” This simple philosophy is the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. This principle extends to how we treat ourselves, and how we allow the pressures of the legal profession, and the often-unrealistic “Lawyer Pictures” we see, to affect our own happiness.
2. Beyond the “Lawyer Picture” of Perfection: Embrace Imperfection
This isn’t a critique, but a recognition of reality. Each of us is a unique and perfect version of ourselves; no one can be a better ‘us’ than we can. Our journey to becoming lawyers is paved with ambition and a drive for excellence. However, true perfection across all aspects of life is an illusion. Motherhood throws another ball into the juggling act, creating an overwhelming dynamic. Being a mom, a lawyer, and the PIC? It’s controlled chaos.
I recall countless late nights striving to create Pinterest-worthy treats for school events, only to be outdone by other moms with seemingly effortless creations. It stung, momentarily. But the kids? They devoured everything with equal enthusiasm. I had to accept I wouldn’t be the “perfect holiday treat mom.” Though, there was that one time I brought hot chocolate and ended up shooting whipped cream directly into kids’ mouths… that was a hit, though perhaps not with the other meticulously organized mothers! I learned to accept that school events weren’t my PIC domain, but I contributed where I could.
Accept the inevitable: your house will be in a state of ‘lived-in’ charm until your kids head to college. The living room becomes a toy kingdom until they outgrow toys, only to be replaced by teenage bedrooms that are… well, let’s just say biohazards of clothes and dishes in the case of my three sons.
These are battles not worth fighting.
When balancing client deadlines with school runs, practices, and homework help, perfection in all areas becomes unattainable. But remember, you are inherently capable. On a good day, you are an “A+” lawyer. So, if some days your legal work is a solid “B” because you are acing the “Mom” role, that’s perfectly acceptable. Your “B” game on a chaotic day likely surpasses another attorney’s “A” game on their best day. The image of a lawyer presented in media is often one of unflappable competence, but the reality for working moms is often beautifully messy and imperfectly balanced.
Love your present self.
While I’m not on TikTok, social media constantly bombards us with images of seemingly flawless women in glamorous settings. Take off those filtered lenses. Visualize your busy day as a pie chart. Each slice represents a portion of your limited time. Sleep is a vital slice. Time dedicated to children, pre- and post-school, is essential. That leaves roughly 12 (sometimes 8-9) hours remaining. Consider the time spent scrolling through social media, perhaps even an hour or more daily. Then factor in the emotional toll of comparing yourself to those curated online “lawyer pictures” and feeling inadequate. Why sacrifice precious time allowing external images to dictate your self-worth? Invest that time connecting with friends, your partner, your children, or anyone who brings positive energy into your life.
Want to know who will admire your current physique in a decade? Future you. You’ll look back at photos and think, “Wow, I looked great then.” Embrace that positivity now. Don’t waste energy criticizing perceived flaws that are likely invisible to others. There are infinitely better ways to invest your time and energy than chasing an unrealistic “lawyer picture” of perfection.
3. Walking Through Walls: Resilience in the Face of Adversity
Life inevitably throws curveballs. One of the most devastating collisions of my trial lawyer and mom worlds occurred when, 14 weeks pregnant and preparing for jury selection, I experienced a miscarriage at home. It was a day etched in my memory. Unfortunately, surrounded by men in the workplace and courtroom, the consensus was that two weeks was sufficient “recovery” time before returning to work. And I did. My healing started with simply walking outside, around the block. Each day, I walked a little further. I prayed, I grieved, and I found solace in believing that this child was simply not meant to be at that time and would remain an angel.
At that time, miscarriage felt like a solitary experience. With two young sons at home, returning to work, to trial, became my focus, a way to move forward. Survival demanded it, and I walked through the wall of pain back into life. There will be challenging times navigating motherhood and a legal career simultaneously. Countless mornings I’ve dressed for court only to find my child feverish, forcing me to leave them and proceed to court. The guilt is visceral, a constant companion on the drive.
There’s no magic wand to erase that guilt. But we can reframe it, recognize it as a byproduct of our commitment to long-term goals. For me, I knew I was building a secure future for my sons. It didn’t eliminate the guilt, but it shifted my focus from perceived parental shortcomings to the positive future I was striving to create: “I am building a future where my sons won’t face financial burdens in college.” The “lawyer picture” often omits these personal struggles, but resilience in the face of adversity is a defining trait of many successful women in law.
4. Defining Your Picture of Success: Goals and Purpose
What are your goals? My ambition to be a formidable trial lawyer ignited the moment I stepped into a courtroom as a law clerk. Single at the time, this became my singular focus. Weekends were spent immersed in case files, regardless of assignment. I tracked the trial calendar, eager to be involved. Motherhood was a future aspiration. I married at 34, having already tried numerous cases and well on my way to achieving my first goal. The same year I married, I received my first Trial Lawyer of the Year nomination. (Victory came later, a story for another time.)
My first son arrived at 36, followed by another at 38, a miscarriage at 39, and my youngest at 41. From the birth of my first child, my driving goal was to ensure my sons’ college educations were secure. Having worked three jobs in college and two in law school, including weekend waitressing, I wanted my sons to focus solely on their studies, free from loan anxieties.
This ambition fueled my decision to start my own firm, a driving force that persists today. At one point, I had three sons simultaneously in college. Now, one is in law school, another pursuing a master’s in engineering, and the youngest in college. My goal is within reach. My sons, though too young to recall my court-morning departures with sick kids, have expressed gratitude for my hard work in securing their education and for setting an example of dedication.
Firm ownership became the vehicle to achieve my goals. It offered the flexibility to be present for my sons and work around their school schedules. The most unexpectedly rewarding time with teenagers (ages 12-17 – the “horror film” phase) was driving them and their friends to and from school and activities. As the “invisible driver,” I became privy to their unfiltered conversations – their day, crushes, social dynamics. These driving adventures were invaluable. Music blasting, windows down, pure fun. I intentionally chose a car with a third row to maximize kid-and-friend capacity.
Your goals will evolve, shifting focus from “lawyer picture” aspirations to “mom picture” priorities and back again. The allocation of your daily “pie” of time will adjust accordingly.
My associate years were spent at a small firm – two partners, a few associates, minimal staff. We secured eight-figure verdicts in PI cases with a lean team, trying two to three cases annually. I learned efficiency and resourcefulness.
Opening my firm meant finding the nearest office building to the courthouse. My aim was to maintain a small firm, working intensely for significant results. During my children’s school years, this goal took a backseat to being present for school events and “mom duties.” But it was a necessary shift. I remained a mom and firm owner, but the larger slice of my time pie was dedicated to motherhood. Now that my children are older, the pendulum has swung back, with a larger portion of my time devoted to my trial lawyer ambitions.
5. Practicalities: The Real “Lawyer Picture” of Firm Ownership and Trial Lawyering
Hire an accountant. My constant advice. From the outset, delegate bill payment and check writing. My accountant handles taxes and employs someone to manage bill payments. With evolving trust account regulations, professional accounting is essential. Constantly evaluate time spent on tasks – is it a productive use of your limited “time pie” slices?
Team up with other women. Collaborate on cases, trials. Find trusted partners and work together on each other’s cases. Mutual benefit is guaranteed. I’m a strong advocate for women supporting women. A powerful team of women can outmaneuver and outwork even the largest defense teams. We are natural multitaskers! Utilize opportunities like Los Angeles Local Rule 3.93, allowing multiple attorneys to participate in voir dire, opening, and closing statements, providing invaluable experience for less seasoned attorneys. I’ve used this to mentor female attorneys, sharing voir dire or witness examination time, offering support while they gain experience.
Strategic Business Socializing and the Power of “No.” Numerous organizations beckon. Choose one that resonates and commit. Participate in others, but avoid overcommitment. Remember your limited “time pie.” If court or family commitments are pressing, decline invitations strategically. However, firm ownership can be isolating. Commit to at least one social gathering, stay informed via listservs, attend events like CAALA, or seek speaking opportunities. Connect with supportive organizations.
No Excuses. We are privileged to live multifaceted lives – mom, lawyer, business owner, wife, PIC. It’s demanding, undeniably. But I embrace Kobe Bryant’s mantra: “No excuses.” When overwhelmed, pause, take a break, practice deep breathing, even scream outside if needed! Then, refocus.
Go to trial. Believe in your clients and their right to a jury trial to determine the true value of their damages. Defense counsel and insurers often undervalue the devastating impact of job loss, humiliation, and the anxiety of financial insecurity. They fail to recognize the profound and lasting harm to self-esteem, trust, and the constant state of fear.
Jury verdicts are often the only way to achieve true justice for clients, acknowledging the full scope of their damages. It’s arduous work, long hours, but witnessing a jury validate your client’s suffering and inherent worth is profoundly rewarding.
When my children were young, I explained my work by saying, “I help people who are bullied or abused.” Trial periods were likened to firefighting – periods of absence, but necessary to help those in need, followed by a return home. As they grew older and witnessed me in trial, their pride became my own.
I celebrate every woman navigating these multifaceted roles. Take a moment to acknowledge your achievements and celebrate yourself! The “lawyer picture” in magazines may be polished and singular, but the real picture of a successful woman in law is a vibrant, complex, and beautifully balanced mosaic of professional strength and personal fulfillment.
