Denise Asher
For any trial lawyer, the courtroom can feel like a constant trial. But imagine battling a different kind of trial – an internal struggle with addiction that threatens to derail your career and your life. This was the reality for Denise Asher, a dedicated trial lawyer who faced her own personal “trial” with alcohol addiction. Her journey from being perpetually hungover and dependent on alcohol to becoming a sober and successful mediator is a powerful testament to resilience and the possibility of recovery within the demanding legal profession.
Asher’s story is not unique. The pressures of being a trial lawyer – long hours, high stakes, and constant stress – can create fertile ground for substance abuse. Her path to addiction began with a challenging childhood marked by an alcoholic and abusive father, laying a foundation of insecurity and a need for numbing. This vulnerability was further amplified by the intense pressures of law school and the competitive nature of trial law.
“It’s hard to be a trial lawyer when you’re hung over all the time,” Asher confesses, reflecting on her life before sobriety. The demanding schedule of depositions, pleadings, and trial days became opportunities to escape into drinking. While outwardly managing a successful career, marriage, and motherhood, Asher’s reliance on alcohol was escalating. Initially, her drinking was perceived as “blowing off steam,” a common and often normalized behavior in high-stress professions.
However, the demands of law school in her early 30s intensified her struggles. The resurgence of old insecurities, coupled with the academic and professional pressures, fueled her drinking. She sought therapy for “stress,” but initially resisted the therapist’s attempts to address her drinking, highlighting a common denial mechanism in addiction.
The end of law school coincided with the end of her marriage, further exacerbating her reliance on alcohol. Despite early career successes as a trial lawyer, a particularly painful trial loss pushed her closer to the brink. Her personal life spiraled, and she recognized the danger she was placing herself and her children in. Asher acknowledges she hadn’t yet experienced the typical “bottom” associated with alcoholism, such as a DUI or a major professional failure due to drinking. Yet, the awareness of impending disaster was a turning point.
February 26, 2001, marked the beginning of Asher’s turning point. Awakening with a severe hangover, she uttered a desperate plea: “God, help me.” This moment of surrender led her to contact her therapist, who facilitated her entry into an intensive outpatient program at Scripps Hospital. Balancing parenting responsibilities and a demanding caseload, inpatient treatment was not feasible. Instead, she immersed herself in a rigorous outpatient program involving three nightly classes and daily Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.
Denise Asher
At the outset of her recovery, the prospect of a life without alcohol seemed unimaginable. Past failed attempts to quit and the ingrained association of alcohol with stress relief and celebration posed significant mental hurdles. Questions plagued her: “How would I get through a trial without a drink each night? How would I cope with losses or celebrate victories?”
The solution, she discovered, was remarkably simple yet profoundly challenging: “Just don’t drink today, and worry about tomorrow when it comes.” This day-by-day approach, coupled with the support of the AA program and faith, became her lifeline.
Fifteen years, one month, and five days later (at the time of writing), Asher reflected on her continuous sobriety as a gift. Recovery was not without its challenges, but each sober day brought a deeper appreciation for life. She emphasizes the ability to experience emotions fully, face challenges with clarity, and be genuinely present for loved ones.
Asher’s personal life transformed. She remarried her husband and embraced the joys of family life, including weddings and grandchildren, with renewed clarity and presence. Six years into sobriety, she transitioned from her thriving trial practice to mediation, seeking a better work-life balance and more time with family. Her experience as a trial lawyer, combined with her journey of recovery, uniquely positioned her for a successful career in mediation, where colleagues trust her to help resolve complex cases.
Denise Asher’s story offers a message of hope for anyone in the legal profession struggling with addiction. She stresses that addiction is a disease, not a character flaw, and effective treatment is available. The crucial first step is asking for help. For those facing their own “trial” with addiction, Asher’s journey demonstrates that recovery and a fulfilling life are possible, even amidst the pressures of the legal world. The miracles, as she describes them, begin when you take that first brave step towards sobriety.
Denise Asher ([email protected]) is a mediator with Judicate West.
